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» 3. Bridlington meet 1st to 10th June
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby jolly camper Today at 8:24

» 4. Bakewell meet, 2nd to 11th June 2024
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Thu 14 Mar 2024 - 14:20

» 5. Lee Meadow Farm Matlock, 11th to 18th June
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Sat 9 Mar 2024 - 14:02

» 2) Breighton Ferry, 12th to 17th May
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Chameleon Thu 7 Mar 2024 - 2:16

» 1. Haxey Quays, 9 nights 03/05/24 - 12/05/24
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Chameleon Thu 7 Mar 2024 - 2:07

» New Member Hello to all
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby beerdrinker Sun 4 Feb 2024 - 17:35

» New member
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Mon 29 Jan 2024 - 19:33

» RIP Sharon Lomas
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Tue 16 Jan 2024 - 21:49

» Christmas greetings
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Fri 29 Dec 2023 - 21:35

» Emmisions
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby rebbyvid Tue 12 Dec 2023 - 13:36

» 6) Xmas meet at Whittingham club, 30/11/23 to 04/12/23
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Tue 5 Dec 2023 - 21:56

» Rally Group Reminder
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Tue 21 Nov 2023 - 22:51

» 2024 meets open
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby jolly camper Tue 7 Nov 2023 - 21:37

» 2023 AGM details
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sun 5 Nov 2023 - 11:14

» 4) Bridlington meet, 4th to 11th July 2023
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sun 5 Nov 2023 - 11:02

» Techno
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Thu 19 Oct 2023 - 21:55

» SORRY
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Thu 19 Oct 2023 - 21:49

» Birthday greetings
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Thu 19 Oct 2023 - 21:46

» 5) Haxey Quays 29/09/23 to 09/10/23
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby graham & dale Fri 29 Sep 2023 - 13:49

» New meet lee meadow farm
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby jolly camper Thu 14 Sep 2023 - 23:45

» Morecambe
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Polly Thu 14 Sep 2023 - 18:58

» 2) The Breighton Ferry, Breighton Selby, 01/05/23 to 09/05/23
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sat 24 Jun 2023 - 19:56

» 3) Bakewell Rally 1st June to 8th June 2023
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sat 24 Jun 2023 - 19:23

» 1) Haxey Quays, 21st April to 1st May 2023
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sat 24 Jun 2023 - 19:11

» Rally Pack
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Fri 23 Jun 2023 - 20:42

» Apologies I've deleted pics of fbook group
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Fri 9 Jun 2023 - 23:45

» Happy birthday Jolly Camper
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby John Sutcliffe Fri 2 Jun 2023 - 13:55

» 2023 - Motor-Homers AGM, time and location
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby KSH Sun 28 May 2023 - 20:04

» Hello everyone.
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Sun 28 May 2023 - 19:25

» INFO FOR THOSE ATTENDING BAKEWELL 1stJUNE TO 8th 2023
Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeby Ambilkate Sat 27 May 2023 - 23:17


 

 Gardening ??

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Leapy

Gardening ?? Modera12
Leapy


Posts : 3265
Join date : 2012-11-13
Age : 75
Location : Staffordshire

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PostSubject: Gardening ??   Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeTue 27 Jan 2015 - 7:42

GOD to ST. FRANCIS:
Frank
,  ...  You know all about gardens and nature. What in
the world is going on down there on the planet?  What
happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff
I started eons ago?   I had a perfect no-maintenance garden
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand
drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:

   It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.

They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:

   Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't

attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod
worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these
Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:

   Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it

and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing
grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:

   The spring rains and warm weather probably make

grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
   Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they

cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:

   They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

 
ST. FRANCIS:
   Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:

   They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:

 
  No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:

   Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so
it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off
and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:

   Yes, Sir.

GOD:

   These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer

when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.
That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
 
ST. FRANCIS:
   You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass

stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay
more money to water it, so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:

   What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.

That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty
and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to
the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture
in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a
natural cycle of life. 
 
ST. FRANCIS:
   You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have
drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they
rake them into great piles and pay to have them
hauled away.

GOD:

   No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and

tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:

   After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy

something which they call mulch. They haul it home
and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:

 
  And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:

   They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:

   Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.

St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie
have you scheduled for us tonight?
 
ST. CATHERINE:
   'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about.... 
  
GOD:
   Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story

from St. Francis.
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whistlinggypsy

Gardening ?? 400010
whistlinggypsy


Posts : 4766
Join date : 2012-11-13
Age : 79
Location : Southport

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PostSubject: Re: Gardening ??   Gardening ?? I_icon_minitimeFri 30 Jan 2015 - 0:31

Too clever by halve that God fellow, they did not have lawnmowers when he was around Gardening ?? 372028940
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