A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!"
Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman, he thought, "What the heck..., I'll treat her."
So, they walked past it again...
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Pharmacist to customer :"Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper
prescription...
Simply showing marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough
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"A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman - "Which book
has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book!!"
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A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a
book called, 'Husband - the Master of the House?
Sales Girl: "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"
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Someone asked an old man: "Even after 70 years, you
still call your wife - Darling, Honey, Luv. What's the secret ?
Old man: I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her.
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A man in Hell asked the Devil: May I make a call to my Wife?
After making the call he asked how much he had to pay.
Devil: Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper.
So I could have a new one every day!
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Husband to wife - Today is a fine day.
Next day he says, Today is a fine day.
Again next day, he says same thing -Today is a fine day.
Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband –
since last week, you have been saying "Today is a fine day.
I am fed up. What's the matter?"
Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said,
"I will leave you one fine day." I was just trying to remind you."
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Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Dublin, the lead flight
attendant for the Aer Lingus cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up,
just minutes prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service. I don't know how this has happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals were delivered to the
plane. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued.
"Anyone who would be kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive
free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5-hour flight."
Her next announcement came 90 minutes later.
"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."
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Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub, watching the Tour de France on TV.
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi do they do that ?"
"Do what ?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week.
No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. ..why would they torture themselves like that ?"
"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about A half a million Euros ?"
"Yeah, I understand that," said Seamus, "But why do all the others do it..??" [/b]