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dogman

Joke 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Joke Empty
PostSubject: Joke   Joke I_icon_minitimeFri 30 May 2014 - 17:06

Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat, and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer. Then you will forget your toothache.
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dogman

Joke 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Joke Empty
PostSubject: Re: Joke   Joke I_icon_minitimeFri 30 May 2014 - 17:07

ew A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone.
She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion
"What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.
"Nothing," her husband replied, 
"The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
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dogman

Joke 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Joke Empty
PostSubject: Re: Joke   Joke I_icon_minitimeFri 30 May 2014 - 17:08

At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?”

I’d take half and leave you” she says.

“Great” he says. “Here £5. I won £10 yesterday! Stay in touch”.
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dogman

Joke 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Joke Empty
PostSubject: Re: Joke   Joke I_icon_minitimeFri 30 May 2014 - 17:08

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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