man utd

you have to feel sorry for david moyes,and all the man utd supporters being dumped out of the fa cup by swansea{who had never won at old trafford before}   

Hi David, it's the Glazers here, can we just have a quick chat about your future.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Oh dear - Baz'll be having another early night !!  

he only needs to start looking after the refs like fergie and he will be ok.
the problem is fergie took his little black book with him. 

And his special watch   

Manchester United host Everton at Old Trafford this weekend. You might think David Moyes' talented and in-form side sound like a tricky test for the Barclays Premier League leaders. It seems you'd be very wrong. Why? Because Mark Halsey is due to referee the match.

Staggeringly, as Graham Poll points out in his look ahead to the weekend's action, you have to go back to August 31, 2003 for the last time Sir Alex Ferguson's men lost a game when Halsey has been the referee. 
That game was a 1-0 defeat by Southampton at St Mary’s, when James Beattie's 88th minute header sank a United side including the likes of Eric Djemba-Djemba and Kleberson, while a young winger by the name of Cristiano Ronaldo was only able to make the bench.


Read more: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Since that late summer Sunday on the south coast, United have played 21 times with Halsey holding the whistle. Their record in those games reads: Won 18 Drawn 3 Lost 0 Goals for 47 Against 11.

Premier League team news

Click here for all the Barclays Premier League team news ahead of the weekend
They have also won their last 13 games with Halsey as referee. The Hertfordshire official has awarded Fergie's men a penalty in the last three United matches he has taken charge.

And here's the really bad news for Everton fans making the hop down the East Lancs for the match this Sunday - United have won all three of their Premier League games against Everton with Halsey as referee. And they haven't conceded a single goal.


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Bad news: Everton travel to Old Trafford this weekend knowing Halsey is the man with the whistle. Here, Toffees players argue with the official after he awarded United a penalty in 2009, which Ronaldo scored

All in all, since Halsey first took charge of a Premier League match involving United in 2001 (a 2-1 home win against Charlton), the team's record reads: Played 28 Won 22 Drawn 4 Lost 1 Goals for 60 Against 20 Penalties for 5 Against 1 United red cards 0 Other teams' red cards 2.

Of course, there is no suggestion of foul play here, and records are there to be broken.

But all we'll say to Everton ahead of Sunday's clash is: good luck...


Read more: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Reckless Driver

A Manchester City fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every United supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Man U jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Man U supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United supporter." "That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

no more taking the pee out of man utd.i promise   

i have heard on the grapevine that rooney and van percil wont be there next year.

and big sam is lined up for a move soon.

and nevilles hotel is up for sale.

and shares have nosedived in man utd.

dont know how true all this is though.

as it was written by a former referee  

Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney walks into a sperm donor bank in London... "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Wayne "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Wayne . The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless w****r...."

Man Utd fans destroy their season tickets

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]